Why I Like My Labels
I think labels and diagnosis - self or formal - can be really important for people. Why? It comes down to this one statement:
There is great benefit in knowing that you are a perfectly normal zebra, not a really f*cked up horse.
Allow me to expand.
There is a metaphor that is often quoted in medical spaces, and probably other spaces too, that says ‘when you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras.’ This decidedly western colloquialism is urging people to look for the usual suspects first, not the unexpected ones.
A zebra looking over his shoulder, like a perfume model.
This saying actually reminds me of some of the improv training I have. When you are standing in front of an audience doing make-em-ups, they always want you to pick the thing they are thinking about. Swing too wildly to left field and you will lose the group. Look for the familiar things. The horses, not the zebras.
But…what happens when hoof beats are actually from zebras? Insisting that they are in fact horses can cause some serious confusion.
Or what if we are in a place where zebras are in fact more common than horses? Looking for horses will be a waste of your time.
When I first stumbled upon the possibility that I might be both ADHD and autistic I found a community of zebras who were experiencing things remarkably similar to what I was experiencing, and here's the key…
…they didn’t think of themselves as broken because of those experiences. This was absolutely revolutionary.
The thing is, this radical acceptance of what I had previously considered character flaws, or evidence of traumatic damage that I had to aggressively go after to heal, this reframe would have been impossible without the labels. Autistic. ADHD. Neurodivergent. Along the way there were people who didn’t want to acknowledge those labels, or who wanted to use ones they perceived as positive (like ‘neurospicy’ or ‘superpowers’), thereby implying the ones I had discovered were negative. But I resisted, and I continue to resist. Having an accurate set of labels for myself is so very freeing.
Because there is great benefit in getting to be your unabashed zebra self, without all the pressure to be like the horses.